Letters to Serena
by PennFan
Summary: Serena is back from her 5 month trip away in the Hamptons and moving on from the pain caused by Blair and Dan but will all be as they were when she comes home?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE SONGS I just love them ha!**

_**Chapter One**_

_If you fall asleep down by the water,_

_Baby I'll carry you all the way home_

It'd had been 5 months since everything had happened on the UES

'_**So here is mine. I love you, Dan Humphrey. Always have, always will.'**_

_**'**__**Serena...'**_

_**'**__**No, you don't have to respond right now. I have some... maid-of-honour things to do before Blair and Louis leave, but I really hope we can talk later.'**_

Serena still seen that as the starting point to were everything just started going wrong for her. Dan was gone, for good she thought but could not dwell on the thought of them being over forever as it made her insides churn and lead her to tears, 'No.' She thought, 'I'm not going to put myself through this all over again, I'm with Jesse now and he loves me, and I... I love him.' She thought again rather hesitantly as she began to pack all of her clothes away into her many suitcases. She met Jesse over the summer in the Hamptons, he was smart, handsome, secure all the things that Serena knew she needed at this time in her life, a steady relationship, not one which consisted of constant break up's and make ups, nor one that was basically physical and lacked any sort of emotional attachment. She felt safe with Jesse.

Arriving back at the UES after so long seemed quite daunting for Serena, but this time at least she could turn up at Lily's with Jesse in tow just in case Dan and Blair happened to be their together and constantly giving her that pitiful look they give her and not being able to talk when they are around her. Thankfully when Serena arrived at her mother's it just seemed to be herself and Rufus.

"Serena darling we've missed you so much!" Lily said whilst embracing her daughter tightly. Serena noticed Rufus standing closely behind Lily looking towards Jesse as though he was sizing him up.

"Hey mom!" Serena said whilst being trapped within her mother's embrace "I'm so glad to see you" she said being released from her mother's grip, she looked at Rufus who had a gentle smile on his face aiming at Serena "It's nice to see you to Rufus" She said laughing whilst giving him a quick hug

"Well come in! Sit down! I'll get Vanja to take both your luggage's into your room for the time being whilst you tell Rufus and I all about your trip to the Hamptons and about how you and Jesse here met" Lily said gesturing to both Serena and Jesse to sit down

"Oh you'll love the story Mrs Van Der Woodsen! Wont she babe?" Jesse replied eagerly as he took Serena's hand into his own and sat her down next to him. She hated when he called her babe. Serena looked down at both of their hands which were currently entwined with one another, she suddenly felt a surge of guilt as she took a hard gulp and looked back up to her mother and Rufus, smiling

'Yeah... it's a great story.'


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_

_Everybody's gotta love someone but I just wanna love you dear,__  
__everybody's gotta feel something I just wanna feel you my dear_

After a long talk to her mother and Rufus about the Hamptons and how she and Jesse met, Jesse decided to allow Serena to have a catch up with them and took himself off for a coffee run. Serena was desperate to ask them about Dan and Blair, whether they were still constantly over at Blair's (and Serena's) place, or whether they had took their secret relationship to the more secluded area of Brooklyn in the loft, or even whether they were still secret or not. Serena had so many questions but was not sure whether she wanted them answering.

"Oh Rufus, I forgot to mention that Daniel called earlier saying that he was going to be joining us for dinner later but that he was going to be running a little late as he had some errands to do first." Said Lily

'Crap.' Serena thought, she was not ready to see Dan, not in the slightest even though it had been 5 months that still does not mean that she should just forget that she poured her heart out to Dan, gave him this big romantic gesture and told him how she felt, for him to have pushed all of that aside for him to be with her best friend. She was still unsure of whether or not her and Blair were even friends any more, they had only spoken briefly over the phone twice while Serena was gone, and even then she got the feeling that Blair felt that the situation was too awkward to talk about. Still she was sure that it would all be clear when Blair turns up later with Dan.

A few hours had passed and Lily, Rufus, and Serena were sat around the table waiting for the arrival of Dan and probably Blair, and also Jesse who had still not came back after leaving her a couple of hours ago. Serena had never felt this nervous in all her life, her stomach felt as though it was doing somersaults she could not keep still constantly fidgeting with her knife and fork, hoping that the next person to walk through the penthouse elevator door would be Jesse and not Dan.

She heard the elevator door open, she didn't want to move in case the people she ended up greeting was Dan and Blair. 'Please please please be Jesse' she thought, she did not want to be sat alone if the two were going to walk in hand in hand, she couldn't bare the thought of having to put a smile on her face knowing that deep down seeing them two together killed her inside. As the person entered the room the first thing Serena noticed was their dark curly and slightly longer hair, her stomach turned seeing his face after 5months, it was Dan. She didn't know where to look or how to react, whether she should greet him with a hug or whether it would be too awkward given how they left things 5months earlier.

"_**You're leaving because of me?" Dan said whilst kneeling down and facing Serena who was sat opposite him on the bed. He placed one hand on Serena's and looked at her pleadingly **_

"_**No Dan, I'm not leaving because of you, I'm leaving because for the first time in my life I need to think about my own happiness instead of everyone else's, and I know I said I'm okay with you and Blair being together but the truth is its killed me watching you two be together, and I want you to be happy I really do and I know Blair is the one who makes you happy right now. But the truth is, I need to go away for a while and try and be happy myself." Serena said trying to hold back the tears that were clearly welling up in her eyes.**_

"_**Serena I'm sorry I ever made you feel that way, I just hope you know I never intentionally wanted to hurt you or your feelings." He replied wiping away a tear that was falling down her face**_

"_**Can I just ask you one thing?" she said moving her hand away from his standing up and moving towards the door**_

"_**Anything" he said standing up and looking at her**_

"_**Do you love her?" **_

_**He looked at her sympathetically with his jaw clenched, "Yes."**_

_**Serena nodded with a slight smile on her face **_

"_**Bye Dan." She said and walked out the door of the loft.**_

He was slightly different since she had been gone, his hair was a bit longer which she did not know quite what to think about it, and he was slightly more muscular, Blair had probably got to him she thought. But that was when she noticed that there was no one else next to or behind Dan, he had came to Rufus and Lily's on his own.

"Hi Lily" he said with a warm smile as she kissed him on the cheek

"Daniel, so glad that you could join us for dinner" she said rubbing his arm as she let go of his hug

He had yet to make any form of contact with Serena who was sit sat glued to her seat not knowing what to do with herself, she looked up as he was greeted by Rufus and came and sat opposite Serena on the table. She looked up at him nervously, she felt like a little girl who had just been told off and didn't want to look at the person in the eye

"So no hello then?" he said with a grin on his face

"Hey" she said sheepishly trying to resist from smiling back at him.

He had always had this control over her that whenever she sees him smile or hear him laugh, she couldn't help but smile back but this time she was determined to keep control of the situation

"So how was your 5month break at the Hamptons?" he asked trying to keep the conversation flowing, he knew the way they left things it was bound to be awkward between them but he hoped it wouldn't have lasted this long.

"Much needed" she replied whilst taking a drink of her red wine hoping that some alcohol in her system would maybe help diffuse the tension

"Heard you met someone" he said whilst leaning back on his chair trying not to look too concerned.

"I did actually" Serena said with a slight smile on her face, "his names Jesse, he is actually going to be joining us for dinner tonight."

"Good" he said rather bluntly,

"So you're happy?"

Serena looked at him rather confusingly, it wasn't out of the ordinary for Dan to be curious with her love life but something in his tone of voice when he asked her that made her wonder.

"I'm very happy" she said smiling beamingly at him

He couldn't help but notice her smile, he always loved her smile but he hated how she was smiling so radiantly over another guy.

"So how are you and Blair?" she asked, she just had to know even though she knew she'd regret it right after when he probably would tell her that they were great and were out in the open as a couple now. She wishes she never asked.

"Oh well I've been meaning to-" Dan went to say but was cut off by Lily greeting a tall light haired man who had just walked through the elevator doors carrying a couple of bags.

"Sorry I was so late, I lost track of time" he said. Serena got up and quickly walked over to the man and wrapped her arms around him tightly and lightly kissing him on the lips

"I missed you" she said as she unwrapped her arms from Jesse's neck and grapped some of the bags

Dan felt as though his stomach had been punched repeatedly with an iron fist, he clenched his jaw and turned back round on his seat so he did not have to look at them. Why was he this bothered? 'Probably just because it's been a while since he's seen Serena with someone' he thought, but he knew one thing, he did not want to see them kissing again anytime soon.

"Dan this is Jesse the guy I was telling you about" Serena said as she walked over with Jesse to him holding his arm and swaying like a love sick school girl.

"Nice to meet you" Dan said with a sigh and a slight smile standing up and offering his hand out to Jesse.

Jesse stared at Dan top to bottom as if he was almost sizing him up, "Likewise" he replied bluntly taking Dan's hand and shaking it slightly before letting go and placing himself next to Serena on the table. Serena had never seen Jesse like that, so dismissive, so uncaring, she looked at Dan who did not look best pleased to be sitting opposite them on the table. It made her feel good, she didn't want to feel good over making him jealous but it did.

Dan hardly spoke a word to Serena or Jesse throughout dinner to Serena's dismay and eventually left shortly after desert. She was confused, Dan seemed fine when he first arrived, and taking interest in what she did over the summer so why after Jesse arrived did he change so quickly? Was he jealous?

'No' she thought 'he wouldn't be, he's with Blair and happy so it's silly for me to even think he would be jealous of me and Jesse.' She sighed and got out of her bed where Jesse was asleep and entered the kitchen to pour herself a drink

"Can't sleep?" she heard Rufus ask

She was slightly startled but turned round to see Rufus sitting on the living room couch with a book, "Just thirsty, you?" she said holding up her drink

"I don't sleep til past 11, it's too early for me" he said with a slight chuckle

"So, enjoy dinner tonight?"

"It was... interesting" she said taking a gulp from her glass of water

Rufus laughed, "I bet, ex boyfriend in the room with the current boyfriend, always a good mixture" he said smiling

Serena giggled to Rufus's remark, "An even better mixture when that said ex boyfriend is now dating your best friend"

Rufus looked slightly awkward at Serena, "Did Dan not tell you?" he said taking off his glasses and setting his book down

Serena looked confused, "Tell me what?"

Rufus sighed slightly; Serena guessed he was contemplating whether or not he should tell her what Dan clearly had yet to tell her.

"He and Blair broke up not long after you left Serena, he was pretty cut up about it, but something told me it wasn't because he broke up with Blair."

Serena was shocked; Dan and Blair had broken up not long after she left? What did that mean? Was it because of the conversation they had before she left? Or was it because Blair finally realised she loved chuck? More importantly she thought, why did he not tell her? The sudden state of shock slowly started turning into anger and frustration

"I have to go" Serena said as she placed her water on the side of the counter, grapped her coat and walked into the elevator as quick as she could ignoring Rufus's calls.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three**_

_I know it's__hard__I know it's hard, I know it's hard to be in this position__,__  
__if they stop loving you, I won't stop loving you,__  
__if they stop needing you, I'll still need you my dear_

She found herself furiously banging on the door of the loft, she needed answers from Dan and she needed them now. He opened the door with just his pyjama pants on and scratching his messy hair. It made it hard for Serena to feel angry at him when he looked so good, his body was clearly a lot more toned than the last time she seen it and even though his hair was slightly long she could not stop thinking about the urge to run her hands through it and touch his toned muscular stomach-

'Stop it!' she thought to herself

"Serena?" he said yawning slightly, "What are you doing here? Has something happened?"

Serena barged past him and walked into the middle of the room staring at him. Dan knew at that moment that she had found out about him and Blair and that she was not happy about it

"So when were you planning on telling me that you and Blair broke up?" she said trying not to raise her voice any louder than she already was. "Where you even going to tell me Dan? Or were you just going to let me figure it out on my own?"

"Serena I can explain I tried to tell you, tonight I tried telling you but then Jesse walked in and I don't know you didn't seem interested."

"Oh do not blame me or Jesse for this Dan! You had plenty of time to tell me tonight, you even had plenty of time to tell me over the last 5 months!" she was shouting now, she couldn't help it, she was hurt.

"Serena please" he said walking over to her and putting one hand on her upper arm "I wanted to tell you as soon as it happened, I just... I just couldn't do it"

"Why Dan? Why couldn't you do it? I came home dreading to see you two together! For the last five months I haven't stopped thinking about you two being in New York together with all your family and friends while I've been sat at the Hamptons with only Eric and Jesse to talk to!" She began to cry, not with sadness but with anger, she couldn't believe everything that was happening

"You wanna know why?" he said, his tone changing rather sternly and he let go of Serena's arm

"Because after you left, things changed, I felt empty inside and I didn't know why. Me and Blair started arguing and eventually I pushed her away and she went back to chuck, back to where she belonged. I couldn't make any sense of it I didn't know what had happened, I thought I was upset over losing Blair but when your mom mentioned you met some guy in the Hamptons I knew, I knew that I wasn't upset over losing Blair. I was upset over losing you. So you wanna know why then there you go, I couldn't do it because I realised that I still loved you Serena."

Serena couldn't believe what she was hearing, he still loved her? But why didn't he tell her this? Why didn't he tell her this sooner? She kept hearing his voice saying it over and over again and her stomach was doing somersaults all over again. 'No', she thought 'I can't be hearing this now, I'm with Jesse.'

"I uh, I gotta' go" She said as she turned round and went to walk towards the door. Dan knew he had to be quick and try and persuade her not to leave to think about this, to think about them. He grabbed hold of her arm and spun her round so their faces were inches apart.

"I know I hurt you Serena and I'm sorry for that, but you and I both know that this is right, we're meant to be together" He said and then he kissed her hard on the lips, she didn't stop him either, he felt amazing as though his heart was roaring with happiness he knew at that moment that she was the one he wanted and no one else was going to mess that up for him.

Suddenly she pushed him away, she regretted doing so immediately after but she knew she had to. "I'm sorry Dan, but I'm not going to settle being your second choice when you have always been my first." She said tears streaming down her face as she let go of him and walked out of the loft.

"Serena! Serena wait please wait!" she heard Dan shouting her name as she closed the door and walked away from the loft sobbing quietly into her coat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Okay so this chapter is going to be from Dan's point of view mainly... hope you enjoy!**

_Last night I fell in love without you._

_I waved goodbye to that heart of mine,_

_Beating solo on your lawn._

Dan woke up the next morning to find himself lying sprawled across his couch. His clothes felt damp after putting on any item of clothing he could find and attempting to run after Serena after she had left last night. He lifted his head up and sat up against the couch, his mind suddenly began racing of images of what happened last night, after he left his dad's and Lily's because he couldn't bare watching Serena pretend to be all over that arrogant ass hole Jesse and returning to the loft where he would walk straight into his room and slam his door behind him and go to sleep to try and get the picture of Serena sleeping in the same bed with another man out of his head. Only then he was awoken by heavy banging on his door and the person on the other end of that door happened to be Serena.

Dan dug his face deep into the pillow of his couch and groaned in anger of himself. How could he have been so stupid? Why did he kiss her? Why did he think that one pathetic kiss would solve everything they have been through over the last year, would solve the heartache he had put Serena through for the last you? He knew that if he wanted her back he would have to work for it, he needed to make the effort this time. He needed to win the love of his life back.

_Every aching wound will cauterize and bruise__  
__In memory of what we used to call in love__  
__and only time will tell if violins will swell__  
__In memory of what we used to call in love__  
__Used to call it love_

Dan sat himself down on his desk and began writing, only this time he was not writing a chapter of a new book, he was writing a letter to Serena. Dan usually hated the thought of being cheesy and a hopeless romantic, but every time it involves Serena, he doesn't seem to care; he'd do anything for her, and anything to get her back.

He was on his way to the penthouse to give Serena his letter when his phone rang,

"Hey Nate, what's up I haven't heard from you in a while. How's L.A?"

"Hey Dan I know it's been too long man! L.A's great, I'm beginning to feel real settled down here, the sun makes a surprisingly good change from the weather in New York" Nate laughed slightly

"How's New York?" He carried on

"Eh, same old same old, Blair and Chuck are off together a lot, Serena's back from the Hamptons with her new boyfriend Jesse so that just leaves Lonely boy being well... Lonely boy"

"Oh man I'm sorry that must suck for you seeing Blair and Chuck and Serena and her new guy happy together"

"No, Blair and Chuck I'm fine with, they were meant to be y'know it was gonna' happen sooner or later, but Serena and me, I uh, I kissed her last night."

Nate laughed in shock, "What? Oh man you choose your timings well don't you. What happened? What did she say?"

Dan groaned, "Ugh, man I don't know, she just came over angry about me not telling her about me and Blair breaking up and there was all this shouting and she was walking away from me man and I just, I didn't know what to do so I just kissed her. I just, I couldn't let her go Nate."

"And then what happened?"

"She just didn't say anything and left, I ran after her but she was gone." Dan was sat down on the nearest street curb with his head in one of his hands.

Nate sighed, "C'mon Dan, it's you and Serena you can't be away from each other for too long. You belong with each other, I realised that a long time ago and I think you two did as well you just didn't want it to fall apart like it did the last two times. Listen man I've gotta go me and Charlie have booked reservations"

"Oh yeah sure man, hey listen, thanks for the talk I appreciate it"

"Don't worry about it Dan, just go get your girl back" Nate said laughing

Dan laughed slightly "Trust me I'll try. Tell Charlie we send all our love."

Dan placed his phone back into the pocket of his jeans, looked at the envelope that read 'Miss Serena Van Der Woodsen'. He smiled, picked himself off the curb and began making his way towards the penthouse.

_Last night I fell in love without you,__  
__The stars at night aren't as big and bright__  
__As you make them out to be_

Dan began walking through the penthouse living room when he heard shouting, it sounded like Serena. He picked up the pace in his walk to reach the outside of her room where it became very clear that it was Serena arguing, and she was arguing with Jesse. Dan didn't want to walk in or knock he just stopped in his tracks and looked through the gap between the door and the door frame to make sure Serena was okay.

"Where were you last night?" Jesse shouted taking Serena's phone off her and throwing it to one side

"Oh yeah sure you throw my phone and question me where I was last night when I found texts on your phone talking to some girl saying you were so happy to see her yesterday? Who is she Jesse?"

"She's my sister's friend, she's just moved here and Kaitlin asked me to look out for her okay? Where were you last night? I won't ask again Serena." Jesse spoke more calmly

Serena sighed, "Fine, okay I went to see Dan last night but before you say anything hear me out. Dan kissed me last night when I went to see him but I promise you as soon as he did I walked away and left."

Jesse sat down on the end of the bed trying to clear his head of what Serena had just told him.

"And you promise you left? You didn't stay?"

"I left as soon as it stopped Jesse."

"And you don't have any feelings for him? None what so ever? Because if you do Serena that's it, I'll walk out that door and I won't look back."

Serena struggled with her words, of course she had feelings for Dan, she always has she always will, but she can't let them feelings get in the way between her and Jesse, she can't give up everything for a chance of possibly being with Dan again, Dan had practically put the walls up against himself for her, she didn't want to take that risk again, she didn't want to be let down by him again she wouldn't handle it. She'd always love Dan Humphrey.

"I... No, I have no feelings for him."

Dan felt as though someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and repeatedly stomped on it. Serena had no feelings for him? It couldn't be true he thought, that kiss was not that good because of my love alone, it meant something to both of us, I know I mean something to her. But he couldn't bare seeing her now his eyes were welling up with tears. He took the envelope out of his coat pocket, placed it on the side of a draw in the corridor and left.

"Listen I've gotta' go meet up with Kaitlin's friend, she wants me to show her the subway route so she can get to college" Jesse said whilst putting on his coat

He walked over to Serena and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead, "I won't be long okay? I love you."

Serena smiled at him slightly, "Love you too." She said as he walked out the penthouse apartment.

Serena had gotten up from her bed and ran her hands through her hair whilst sighing, trying to get over the events that had just occurred. She felt bad about lying to Jesse about her feelings for Dan, but she and Dan would never happen so Jesse has nothing to worry about. She began walking down the corridor when she heard something lightly fall onto the floor. She turned her head and noticed a small white envelope with writing on lying on the floor. She walked over and picked it up to see 'Miss Serena Van Der Woodsen' written on the front. Her face suddenly changed, she knew that writing anywhere she thought, it was a letter from Dan.

Serena quickly walked back into her room, shut the door behind her and sat on her bed. She opened the envelope and began to read the letter.

_**Dear Serena,**_

_**Words cannot even begin to describe to you how sorry I am. How sorry I am that I betrayed you, your trust, your friendship, but more importantly how I betrayed us. I can't tell you that if I could do it all again I'd do things differently, because the truth is being with Blair made me realise how much I missed you and our relationship. I could be myself around you, there was no compromises, I didn't feel as though I had to live up to the Upper East Side expectations because I knew either way you still loved me. You made me a better person even when we broke up and I could not thank you enough for that. **_

_**However my biggest regret would have be, that when you told me at Blair's wedding that you loved me and that you always had and always will, that I didn't just grab you and tell you that you're the love of my life and I will never stop loving you no matter how things end up in the future. **_

_**This letter will be the first of many, however many letters it takes for you to come back to me, even if you don't I'll still write and tell you every day how much I love you and how I will do anything to gain your trust back and for you to let me back in because I know you and I are forever.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Dan.**_

Serena sat on her bed with tears streaming down her face, yet she was smiling, she was overwhelmed by everything she had just read. She folded the letter up, placed it back into the envelope and placed it into a box underneath her bed. She still had not yet forgiven Dan Humphrey, but just knowing that he was trying made Serena's heart want to sing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Serena woke up the next day with the clothes that she had on the day before, clearly she had fell asleep after reading her letter from Dan, even thinking about the letter made her smile, but she felt bad for feeling what she felt for Dan because she was with Jesse. Jesse who had brought her a little bit of happiness 5 months ago when they first met when Serena was at one of her lowest points, she felt that he was safe and would never hurt her like Dan did, Jesse loved her and Serena loved him. Only problem was, she loved Dan too.

Serena looked round her room and noticed that it was only 10am; she also noticed that Jesse wasn't in bed.

"Jesse?" she shouted as she walked out her room and began walking towards the living room, but she got no reply.

She walked into the living room where she had seen her mom and Rufus on the counters of the kitchen. She thought it was odd that Jesse wasn't still asleep never mind that he wasn't even in the apartment.

"Mom have you seen Jesse this morning?"

"No dear I haven't seen him since yesterday, why?" replied Lily whilst reading through her newspaper

"Oh so he didn't come home after you two last night?" Serena asked rather concerned

Lily looked up at Serena, "Umm, I'm not too sure Rufus and I went straight to bed after we came back and he wasn't here then. Maybe he came home after we went to sleep?"

Serena looked concerned, "Yeah... he's probably just gone out for some coffee. I'll give him a call just in case."

Lily smiled at Serena, "Okay dear... Oh and while you're here, Rufus and I are going away for the weekend so you and Jesse can have the place to yourselves for a couple of days."

Serena was slightly distracted from what her mom was saying as she was checking her phone to see if she had had any calls or texts from Jesse but there was none.

She looked up at her mom, "Oh yeah, great thanks mom." She said whilst walking away and heading towards her room whilst dialling Jesse's number.

"Hello?" it was a girl's voice. Serena didn't know how to react or what to say

"Um, hi is er Jesse there?" She didn't care who the girl was she just wanted to know why Jesse was with her and how long he had been with her for

"Yeah he's here, who's calling?" The girl said whilst laughing, She could hear Jesse's voice in the background, she just wanted to scream down the phone and ask who the other girl was and what she was doing answering her boyfriends phone, but she knew she had to stay calm.

"Just tell him it's Serena." She heard the girl mention her name and Jesse quickly grab the phone off her

"Hey babe what's up?" he sounded out of breath and panicky

"Don't babe me Jesse, where the hell are you and where have you been all night?" she was pacing round her room furious that he thought he could speak to her like that, like nothing was happening

"I just stepped out for a couple of minutes this morning and bumped into Kaitlin's friend on my way out"

"Oh how very convenient that every time you seem to step out, you always bumps into your sister's friend, who is she anyway does she even have a name?"

"Yeah it's er Lauren, her names Lauren."

Just as Serena was about to reply she heard Lauren's voice in the background

"Jess I'm just gonna' jump in the shower, your clothes are in the bedroom if you need to leave."

She knew it, how could she have been so stupid to think that he wouldn't be just as disappointing as any other man that's been in her life. Jesse who she thought was safe and caring and would never hurt her turned out to be and do the exact opposite.

"Your stuff will be in suitcases in the lobby downstairs. Don't bother coming up."

"Wait Serena plea-"

She cut him off, she didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to hear some stupid excuse as to why he done what he did and she didn't care. She walked over to the her wardrobe and opened the door to where Jesse kept his clothes, she pulled his suitcases out from the bottom of the wardrobe, gathered all his clothes in one big hand full and dumped them into each suitcase. She then carelessly zipped them up and dragged them out of her bedroom.

"Serena, what are you doing? Who's bags are those?" asked Lily

"Jesse's." She bluntly replied as she dialled the number for downstairs lobby and asked for someone to come and take the bags downstairs

"Oh, so I guess he didn't nip out for some early morning coffee?" asked Lily looking rather awkwardly towards Rufus

"Oh, he got an early morning something alright, it just wasn't coffee."

"I see." Replied Lily not knowing what to say to her daughter

The elevator door opened and in walked Vanja to Serena's relief. She didn't want anything of Jesse's in her presence for much longer.

"Miss Van Der Woodsen, I have come to collect baggage?"

"Yeah and this is one baggage I cannot wait to get rid of" Serena said smiling towards Vanja and handing him over the suitcases.

"Thank you Miss Van Der Woodsen, I will take these to the lobby straight away" He said taking the suitcases into his hand

"Thanks Vanja, oh and if a man called Jesse comes into the lobby, be sure he receives those suitcases and don't allow him up to the apartment please"

"I will make sure he takes his bags and leave straight away." Vanja smiled at Serena, picked the two suitcases up and headed towards the elevator.

"Oh I totally forgot to give this to you Miss Van Der Woodsen!" said Vanja as he dropped the suitcases down on the floor and went rummaging through his blazer pocket until he pulled out a small white envelope.

"Mr Humphrey came earlier and told me to give you this after lunch." He handed her the envelope nodded to her with a smile and picked up the suitcases and carried on into the elevator.

Serena's heart was racing, she knew it was another letter from Dan, like he said he would 'however many letters it takes for you to come back to me' she thought. She quickly walked into her room and sat on her bed where she opened a letter from Dan Humphrey for the second time.

_**Dear Serena,**_

_**So here's letter number two of my pathetic grovelling. Actually, that's a lie because nothing I do that's for you is pathetic. I don't want this letter to be a letter full of apologies like the last one, I just want it to be a letter of remembrances of all the times we've had together because I want you to understand how much I cherish every moment I've spent with you over the last 5 years.**_

_**I won't tell you the story of 10.08.05 because I'm pretty sure that you and everyone else who read it know what happens and how it changed my whole life, so I'm gonna start with the second time you spoke to me a couple of days after you came back from boarding school, you bumped into me in the bar of the palace, I just remember seeing your face and being startled for words so I stayed my usual awkward self and just handed you your stuff back, everything but your phone which I totally didn't see and I didn't leave it there on purpose... honest. Then I remember going to the hotel to return it and that incredibly kind gentleman on the desk who accused me of stealing your phone and then embarrassed me when he asked you if you knew who I was, I remember telling him 'nobody knows me, its fine.' But then you walked over and looked and me and said you remembered me, I just remember thinking that I was either going to jump around with happiness or collapse onto the floor. Then the moment that changed my life forever, when your horrifyingly scary mom insisted on you going to the kiss on the lips party for you to turn round and tell her you had plans, plans with me. I'll never forget the last couple of words we spoke that day when I asked you if you'd really go out with a guy you don't know and you simply replied that it couldn't be any worse than the guys you already knew. I can honestly say that I can't remember any other time at that point in my life when I felt as happy as I did when I went on that date with you, especially because it started a relationship I'd never forget. **_

_**I think we'd both know that I'd be lying if I said our relationship was perfect, it wasn't, at times it was the most perfect thing you could ever imagine, but then there were times when it wasn't. The Christmas we shared that year was one I'll never forget, not one other person had yet beaten you in the most amazing Christmas presents ever, you gave me snow... indoors might I add , and that night we spent together I can't remember I time where I felt so happy and so comfortable with a person in my whole life. But unfortunately you and I both know all good things must come to an end, but a part of me now kicks myself repeatedly for letting you walk out of that elevator and not pulling you back and telling you to stay and that I loved you and no other girl would ever compare to you, but we both know we broke up for a reason, it wasn't because we fell out of love we just had problems, problems that at the time we couldn't see could be fixed but I need you to know that I loved you so much and I know I made some horrible mistakes that year after we broke up with Rachel and just being generally careless about how I was making you feel. Kind of like what I was doing a couple of months ago.**_

_They say if you __If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. You came back to me Serena, every time. You came back to me after everything that was going on with your dad and Nate, and you came back to me last year, when you chose me over Nate. I've gotta admit when you asked me to go the ballet with you and when I seen you with Colin, I felt hurt so I can only begin to imagine the amount of pain I've put you through over the last year. Last year was such a tough time for you, but still even when you were wrongly sent to the hell that is the ofstroff centre, you told me that you came to that party for me, to tell me you chose me and to here that sentence from you serena was like music to my ears, but like always it was bad timing, you had stuff going on with your mom and we knew it wasn't going to pan out how we wanted so we said we'd only have one more shot after this one that we'd either sink or we'd swim. That moment for us has yet to come, but if I ever get that chance for us again, I'm going to make sure that we swim and that we keep swimming until we're old and wrinkled because there's no other option for me._ _You're the only choice for me Serena._ _Love, _ _Dan._

She felt overwhelmed all over again, all those memories he remembered, all those emotions he felt. He was right, they never were good with timing, she laughed when he talked about how he felt when she said she remembered him, Dan had always been awkward but cute in that kind of way. The last line he wrote made her heart flutter, she had wanted to hear that from him for so long, it was nice to see him pour his heart out to her for once, she can't think of the last time he did that to her, but she knew she missed it.

Elsewhere, Dan was currently sat in the loft contemplating on whether to attempt to write another chapter of his new book, or whether he should just sit staring at his phone waiting for Serena to ring and tell him she wanted him back. He was torturing himself thinking about whether or not she had read his next letter and how she felt about it, he just wished she'd let him know that she at least liked it, just so he knew she had at least read it. But he knew it would be too much to ask after what he had done.

Then his phone began to ring, Dan shot up from his chair and ran to his phone which was on the couch, but to his dismay it was not the person he hoped that was calling, it was just his dad.

"Hey dad what's up?"

"Hey kiddo, how's the writing for the new book going?"

"Oh exceptionally well, within the space of an hour I've managed to write, scrunch and then throw 6 pieces of paper into the trash"

"Ah that's my boy, well I was thinking maybe you could leave your writing for the weekend and come and stay over at the apartment for a few days while Lily and I go away?"

"Ah as much as I'd love to be in the house for three days with Serena and her brilliant boyfriend dad, I think I'd much rather sit at home and slowly progress into maybe only throwing three pieces of useless paper into my trash" said Dan rather irritated as to why his dad would even ask.

"Well that's the point Dan. Listen don't tell Serena I told you this but Jesse and her broke up this morning, I don't want to go into too much detail as too why but alls I'll say is that Jesse was spending too much time elsewhere. But she seems pretty upset so we don't think its best that we leave her alone for the weekend"

"Wait what?" Dan felt angry; he wanted to find Jesse, to hurt him for hurting Serena

"What time do you need me there?" he didn't have to even think about it, if Serena was upset he was going to be there for her even if it just meant him being there for her like a friend, he didn't care.

"Our flight leaves at nine."

"I'll be there, let me just get some stuff together and I'll be round."

Dan put the phone down and quickly started grabbing everything he could and placing it into one bag. Once he had everything he made is way out of the loft and headed for the UES.

Serena was sat alone watching the television, she couldn't get her mind of the events that took place a few hours ago, she still felt hurt by what Jesse had done to her, but those feelings where forgotten about slightly when she read her second letter off Dan. She didn't know what to do, she didn't know whether she should call him and thank him for the letters or whether that would make it sound like she appreciated the letters, just didn't feel the same way back. All she was sure of now was that she just wanted to have a quiet weekend in and possibly go and see Blair who she hadn't seen since she got back.

Suddenly, she heard the elevator doors open, she supposed it was just Rufus or her mom coming back to pick up something they had forgotten, but when she seen who the person was who walked into the apartment; she wasn't prepared for it at all.

"Dan er what are you doing here?" she stood up and noticed he had a bag with him, "And with a bag?" she looked at him questioningly, she hadn't seen him since he kissed her two days earlier, she was unsure of how to act round him

"I'm coming to stay with you for the weekend." He said simply and smiling as he walked past her and made his way towards his old room

Serena laughed in disbelief, "If this is my mom's and Rufus's way of keeping an eye on me, believe me I don't need looking after I'm fine I've been through break ups enough times to know I can deal with it."

"I know, I just fancied staying here for the weekend that's all" Dan replied back as he casually walked into his old room

Serena smiled, she always loved how he knew he could get to her, "I don't need you Dan" she replied back loud enough so he could hear her.

"Tough" He replied, "You've got me"

"I've got you." Serena said to herself as she sat down smiling to herself and shaking her head.

"Well, so much for a quiet weekend."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

A couple of hours later Serena had woken up on her bed from her nap she had a couple of hours before, she decided it was much needed so she could clear all thoughts and images of possible happenings between her and Dan while they were alone... in the penthouse... for three whole days. She lifted herself up off her bed and headed towards the door until she realised her foot was standing on something. It was another letter that Dan had clearly slipped under the door while she was sleeping.

Serena quickly picked up the letter and placed herself back on her bed whilst opening the envelope and pulling out the letter, she took a deep breath to try and emotionally prepare herself for another one of Dan's undying love letters, unfolded the letter and began to read.

_**Dear Serena,**_

_**I know your probably reading while you're sat in your room next door to me and the thought of that drives me crazy. The thought of just a wall separating me from you and your bedroom makes me mad; I wanna be in there with you, holding you, touching you, and kissing you. When I think of all them times we had alone when the loft or the penthouse was empty, I get so angry, angry at myself that I messed up this much and I can't do all those things I used to do with you anymore.**_

_**You are completely unaware of the effect you have on me Serena, when I see your face I can't help but smile, I can't help but admire your body when you're walking past me but can you blame me? You literally make me weak at the knees every time you look at me. I miss everything about you, I miss your touch, your kiss, your smell, everything, and I know that if I could right now, I'd walk into your room and kiss you so hard and touch you in ways I can't even imagine. But I know that's something that just can't happen right now and that I need to earn it, to earn back everything I ruined with you.**_

_**I'm looking forward to these next three days.**_

_**Love, Dan**_

Serena let out a deep sigh, but it wasn't an emotional one, it was a surprised sigh, a presently surprised sigh. She was trying to steady out her breathing as it happened to be going at a rather fast pace. The emotional letter off Dan she expected was not emotional at all, but raw and honest which made Serena's mind wander. What if he did come into her room and kiss her? What if he did touch her in those ways? Her heart was racing and she couldn't stop thinking about the time her and Dan had sex on the bus coming back from the Hamptons and how passionate it was.

"Wow" Serena said whilst exhaling unsteadily

She decided she'd go and get a drink to calm her down after reading the letter; she swung the door open and casually strolled out in her vest top and shorts expecting Dan to be in his room. She got to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. After gathering back all her thoughts she finished off her glass and headed back towards her room.

As she was walking through the hall she got a text, she opened it and seen it was from Blair

_**Hey S, listen I know we haven't talked in a while but I really think we need to talk and sort everything out. Come round in about an hour?**_

_**-Blair xxxx**_

Serena smiled, she was happy that Blair was making the effort for them to speak again she missed her best friend and agreed that it was time for everything to be sorted. Just as she was texting Blair back she bumped into someone.

She didn't know where to look, she knew as soon as she bumped into Dan that he was coming from the bathroom, and it was only when their bodies had connected that he had just had a shower. He was standing there bare chested in just a towel, Serena couldn't help but blush furiously when she realised that he was half naked standing in front of her.

"Oh-Dan, sorry I was uhh texting and uh... sorry" she said distractingly

Dan looked at her with a smirk on his face, he knew by her redden cheeks that she read the letter.

"Don't worry about it, so what are you doing today then?" He replied calmly

Serena didn't hear a word he said, all she was thinking about was how good he looked standing there with his wet hair and toned body, how she wanted to just grab him and pull him into her room-

"Serena?"

"Sorry what?" she said shaking her head and looking up at him

"I said what are you doing today?" He said whilst smiling at her, he couldn't help but notice how amazing she looked in her little shorts and vest top, it just made him more and more eager to win her back

"Oh er, I was just going to clean my room up a little and then head out to Blair's"

"Oh well if you want, I can help you with your room cleaning? Only if you want to that is?" He looked at her hoping she'd say yes

"Well I suppose two people is better than one... plus I need you to help me change my bed sheets, I'm pretty hopeless at it" she said laughing. She wasn't sure that allowing Dan into her room was the best idea, but at the moment she didn't care, didn't care if anything did or didn't happen, she just wanted to be around him.

Dan laughed slightly, "Okay well let me just get some clothes on and I'll come help" he said smiling to her and walking into his room.

Serena walked back into her room smiling, she grapped her phone from her shorts pocket and decided to reply back to Blair.

_**Hey B, a talk sounds great. I'll be over soon**_

_**-Serena xxxx**_

After about 20 minutes of cleaning her room up, Serena and Dan started on changing the bed. They worked together well to Serena's surprise given everything that had went on over the last couple of days, and given that she was pretty sure Dan knew she had read the letter by her reaction in the hall way earlier on. But now after fully thinking about the letter and everything Dan had said in it, it made Serena feel good that she had such of an effect on him.

Whilst attempting to get her duvet into the bed sheet, Serena somehow managed to get herself stuck in-between them both

"Er a little help over here?" Serena said

Dan turned around to see just a pair of legs sticking out of the duvet. He couldn't help but burst out laughing

"Dan it isn't funny please help get this thing off of me" Serena said, but Dan knew that she was smiling

He calmed down his laughter, "Okay okay hang on" He said as he walked over to her. He placed his hands on the top of the Duvet and pulled it up and over Serena. As it came off the two of them were laughing uncontrollably over what had happened, but the weight of the duvet knocked Serena off balance slightly and as Dan grabbed hold of her to stop her from falling, the laughing suddenly stopped.

They were inches away from each other with their noses practically touching, their breathing was heavy and they were staring at each other intently and they both knew what was going to happen.

That's when Dan kissed her, hard and passionately like he said he would and Serena was kissing him back, her hands were around his neck and his were around her waist. Serena didn't want to think this time; she just wanted Dan to touch her like he said he would. The kiss deepened and Dan pressed Serena against her draws, his hands started to move up her vest top and moved his fingers along her bra, Serena grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over him revealing his strong shoulders and chest, she ran her finger tips across his stomach as she moved her kisses to his neck.

Dan moved his hands back to her waist and lifted Serena onto her draws, her legs were wrapped round his waist and he slowly took off her vest top, revealing her black bra. Dan was in awe of her, every touch they both made seemed to be intensified, every kiss deepened. She ran her hands through his hair whilst Dan started kissing Serena's neck and chest.

She couldn't take this anymore, she didn't want it to be a make out thing, she wanted something more.

"I want you" she whispered into his ear and resumed kissing him

Dan suddenly lifted her off her drawers and took her over to the bed; he laid her down making sure that they didn't have to stop kissing and touching each other. All Serena could think is that she was with Dan, he was kissing her and touching her, and that is all she had wanted in a long time, she was too caught up in the moment to think about anything else.

Serena had woken back up a couple of hours later, her head was leaning on Dan's bare chest with just the undid duvet covering their bodies. The realisation had suddenly hit her that she and Dan were both naked under those covers and that only a couple of hours ago she had let her urges get the better of her. She sat up quickly and checked her phone which to no surprise had two missed calls off Blair on it.

"Crap" she muttered to herself, grabbed the duvet wrapped it around herself and stood up to look for her clothes which had been thrown around the room.

As she sat down on the end of the bed pulling her shorts and top back on, she turned round and realised Dan was lying their naked, she couldn't help but laugh. She picked up the duvet that she left on the floor and put it back over him. Serena then grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from her draw and wrote 'gone to Blair's' on it and set it on the pillow next to Dan.

She needed to get out she was confused as to what had happened and why she let it happen, regardless whether I enjoyed it or not she thought, I shouldn't have give in so easily. Serena sighed, shook her head and headed for the penthouse elevator whilst taking hold of her phone and texting Blair

_**Sorry for being late B got a little caught up, leaving now.**_

_**-Serena xx**_

**Authors Note: **Sorry for this chapter to have taken so long just had to deal with some personal issues and been busy with college exams and stuff so it would be a lot of help if you guys gave me some ideas for a next chapter? I'd also like to thank everyone for the reviews they mean a lot! :D


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So so so so soooo sorry it's took this long to write chapter up, my laptops been broke for ages so I ended up having to buy a new one! But I have received all of your reviews and I wanted to say thank you soooo much for your lovely comments they mean a lot! This chapter is definitely not my best, I feel like I just rambled a lot!  
But this is going off one of my reader's suggestions and Chapter 8 will be up very soon as I'm beginning to write it now!**

**Hope you all enjoy (: **

**Chapter 7**

As Serena entered the Waldorf apartment from the elevator door she couldn't help but fixate her mind on what had happened a bit before she arrived here, so much so that she did not even realise that Blair was already stood on the stairs waiting for her.

"And what took you so long?" Blair said walking over to Serena and tilting her head slightly, "Or should I say who?" she said putting her fingers through Serena's hair with a smirk on her face.

Serena then realised that after 'bed sheet changing' with Dan, she was in such a rush to get out of there that she didn't even think to look at her appearance to get rid of any sign of their... bed sheet changing. Serena hurryingly looked at the nearest mirror and began trying to flatten her wild looking hair whilst replying to Blair.

"Oh... I had a bit of a battle between myself and the bed sheets, must have been more rough and tumble than I thought" she said slightly laughing but looking nervous at the same time. It's not that she didn't want to tell Blair what actually happened, it was just she didn't know how she would take it; they needed to talk first before creating any new possible drama's.

Before Blair had any time to answer, Serena turned round and smiled widely at her, "I missed you B" she said while tightly embracing her. Even though what Blair did may have been seen as unforgiveable to some, Serena knew deep down that she would never have done it out of spite, she knew that Blair did once have real feelings for Dan and him for Blair, and besides Serena had practically done the same with her relationship with Nate and Blair had it in her heart to forgive Serena, although it took a while. Blair was her best friend, always has been, always will be.

Blair let out a soft sigh and a smile "I missed you to S, and listen I don't know whether you've seen Dan at all, but you need to know, it's over. I'm with Chuck now and I've never been happier. Guess we were always meant to be huh'" she said with a slight laugh

Serena giggled slightly, "And it took you both how long to realise that exactly?"

"Too long" Blair replied with a smile on her face. "So... are we okay?"

Serena smiled to her best friend "We're fine" she said whilst pulling her into a tight embrace again. Both girls began laughing; it was such a relief for them to be normal with each other again.

"So" Blair said pulling away from the embrace, "I heard you bagged yourself a man from the Hamptons? Was that the guy you were changing the bed sheets with by any chance?" she said with a cheeky grin on her face.

Serena blushed slightly "God B, you couldn't have just come out with it?" she said laughing, "But yes I did bag a guy from the Hamptons, but no we're not together anymore."

"God S, is that your best record?" Blair said playfully then walking towards the couch near them and sat down, "Come on what happened?" she said gesturing Serena towards the couch

Serena smiled, she was happy to have her best friend back, it's not like they were never not speaking, but when Blair and Dan happened their relationship became kind of awkward and they didn't know how to be around each other anymore. She sat down on the couch next to her best friend.

"Long story"...

* * *

Dan had woken up after feeling a cold draft on one of his legs where he had taken it out from underneath the covers. He lifted himself upright onto the bed and began scratching his head whilst yawning, he began looking around slightly confused when he realised there was a small note on the pillow next to him, he picked it up and rubbed his eyes so he could see more clear.

"Gone to Blair's" he said to himself. Dan then slowly began to recount what had happened only a couple of hours ago; how he and Serena let their emotions... well hormones get the better of them. He felt bad; he hoped Serena didn't just think that he was only in it for that, because he wasn't, she meant so much more to him than that. He knew he had to make sure she knew that.

"Serena... Serena?" he shouted out from her room but got no reply, he figured that the note must have been written a couple of hours before he had actually had woken up. He sighed getting out of the bed and quickly looking round the room for his clothes and began re dressing himself. Dan quickly checked his phone to see that he had a voice mail, he hoped it would be Serena letting him know that she knew what it meant to him, but it wasn't.

"Hey Son it's me, was just calling to see how you an Serena have been, I hope you've cheered her up she needs a friend right now, anyway me and Lily will be home this evening and Lily wants the whole family round for food so it'd be a lot of help if you went and picked some stuff up for us. Oh and let Chuck and Blair know too, Lily wants to see him. Thanks son."

Dan sighed as the phone line went dead, he knew things would be awkward between them now, not because it was bad or anything, they never were bad at it, but because they weren't going to get the chance to talk about it. Serena was off with Blair and he had to go play pickup for Rufus and Lily's dinner tonight, plus Chuck and Blair were going to be there, not that they were on bad terms with each other anymore, just because they liked to see other people squirm, and Dan knew that if Serena was to tell Blair about what happened between them, Chuck would know and Chuck loved nothing more than to see Dan sweat.

As they weren't going to get the chance to speak about it, Dan knew that he may as well explain everything to Serena in her next letter. Before leaving to get food, Dan began quickly but carefully writing another letter to Serena. Once he was done, he placed the letter on her bed and left the penthouse.

* * *

After explaining to Blair everything that happened between her and Jesse before and after they left the Hamptons, they found themselves laughing together over something Serena had said unintentionally. Serena noticed that Blair seemed happier, her laugh was more honest and her smile more full. She knew the reason was Chuck and she was happy that her best friend was with the person she was meant to be with.

"I never liked the name Jesse anyway, too Abercrombie and Fitch" Blair said as her and Serena both laughed again. "But that means there's another guy?" she said squinting her eyes

Serena's laughter began to slow down until it stopped, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that if the guy you were with before you came to see me wasn't Jesse, then it was someone else. Who?"

"Come on B, I already told you, there was no guy I just had a bit of a struggle changing my bed sheets" Serena replied trying to laugh off Blair's accusation

"Serena I know you, after 10 years being best friends you think that I don't know when you're lying? Or when you've been 'changing the bed' with someone? You walked into here with your hair looking like you've been attacked by a flock of birds and so flustered that you didn't even recognise that I was standing on the stairs. I know changing the bed sheets may be a struggle without Dorota there to help, but not that much" she said with a wide grin on her face, "So, who was it?"

Serena sighed and put her head into her hands so Blair didn't have to see her cheeks flare. "It was Dan." She said through her hands, not wanting to see the look on Blair's face.

It was silent and Serena took that as a bad sign, she slowly lifted her head up to see Blair's face, but she didn't look shocked or upset, but had a wide grin planted across her face.

"I knew it." She said

"How?" Serena replied not being able to keep a straight face

"I knew there was only a matter of time for you too to be back together, or whatever you to usually do" Blair said smiling

"So you're not upset?" Serena said hopefully

Blair Smiled at Serena as she took hold of her hands, "How could I ever be upset? Sure me and Dan had some short lived romance, but it doesn't take a genius to know that no matter what, you and him are going to be the ones who end up together eventually, just like me and Chuck."

Serena smiled weakly, "Thanks B. Although I haven't fully forgiven him yet, all the feelings are still there, and he's been writing me these letters about literally everything between us and I don't know I just think sleeping with him was maybe too soon. It's not that I regret it I just don't want things to be awkward between us, but I suppose I can speak to him when I'm home."

As Serena said that, Blair's phone buzzed, Serena watched as Blair looked amused at what she was reading.

"Unfortunately S, that talk might have to wait." Blair said amusingly

"What do you mean?"

"According to Chuck, we're all having dinner together tonight. You, me, Chuck, Dan, Lily, and Rufus. But don't worry, I promise me and Chuck will make it as smooth running as possible" Blair said with a mischievous smile

Serena slumped herself back into Blair's couch with a pillow over her face

"Great."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sooo here's chapter 8 as promised! Enjoy (:**

**Chapter 8**

Serena left Blair's soon after and arrived back at the Penthouse so she could get ready for the dinner she dreaded tonight. She placed her bag and phone onto the table and wondered whether Dan was home, she figured if he was she'd speak to him about the two of them and what they did earlier on that day to try and diffuse any tension before the dinner later.

"Dan are you home?" she called out as she walked towards his bedroom door. When she got no reply she entered the room thinking he may have been listening to his iPod. When no one was in the room she figured he must have gone out. She sat on the edge of his bed and scoped the room she once knew all too well. His scent was all around the room, it comforted her and made her think back to when they began dating, and how she'd purposely spray herself with his aftershave because she loved the thought of being close to him. She walked over to his drawers and looked at the pictures on top of them, There was pictures of Dan and Rufus, Dan and his mom, Dan and Jenny, all of them together presumably before the divorce, and then to the far right hand corner of the drawers there was a picture of her and Dan at the cotillion ball all those years ago.

Serena picked up the picture smiling, smiling because he still had a picture of them on display in his room, she looked at the back of the picture to see the date 12.05.07 written on the back of it, the date in which the cotillion ball took place, the date she realised she was truly in love with Daniel Humphrey and that no one could take that away from either of them. Serena smiled as she gave the picture one last look and placed it back on the drawer where she found it.

As she was looking at the other pictures she heard the elevator make a pinging noise meaning that someone was entering the penthouse. She peaked her head out the door to see a Dan with his back towards her, clearly unpacking the groceries he had just bought. She suddenly began to feel slightly panicky, she didn't know what to say to Dan now that they were both in the penthouse alone again, and she didn't know how to start the conversation off in order for them to talk about it. She quickly decided that talking it out wasn't the best idea at the moment so she quietly crept out of his room and into her own being very careful to not make any noise that would bring attention to her. She hurryingly placed herself into her bed and decided to take a nap before dinner started, knocking the letter written to her off the bed and onto the floor.

* * *

It had been an hour since Dan had returned from the grocery store for Lily's and his dad's dinner party tonight, the table had been set and the food was being prepared by the chef. Rufus had called Dan to tell him that he and Lily were going to be arriving back in about an hour. Dan had heard Serena creeping around the hallway and into her room when he came in, but he couldn't even begin to think what he would say to her, however he knew that she had probably dozed off in her room and that she'd be annoyed if he gave her less than an hour to get ready, so Dan did the smart thing and headed towards her bedroom door.

"Serena are you awake?" He knocked twice and waited for a reply, when he got nothing he opened the door slowly and peeped his head round the door to see the blonde on her side with one leg wrapped around her quilt. He couldn't help but smile at her as he walked over to her, she was just so beautiful to him, nothing or no one could compare to the beauty that Serena Van Der Woodsen held inside and out. He slightly grazed his hand across her face making sure it didn't wake her. He placed his hand on her upper arm and lightly shook it.

"Serena you need to wake up, your mom and my dad are on their way back and I know you'd kill me if I didn't give you enough time to get ready" he said gently and slightly laughing

Serena smiled with her eyes still shut; she moved one of her hands so it rested over his squeezing it slightly. Dan didn't move, he didn't know what to say or whether to move his hand. Suddenly the smile on Serena's face dropped as she opened her eyes to see Dan staring blankly at her. She quickly moved her hand off his and sat upright onto the bed.

"O-oh Dan sorry I was having a-a dream!" She said flustered and putting strands of her loose hair behind her ears.

"Oh no don't worry its uh, its fine it was probably my fault anyway you know I kind of left my hand there you know waiting to be grapped on to. It was an honest mistake" He replied with one hand on the back of his neck and not knowing where to look.

"Yeah of course, a mistake" Serena replied nodding

"Anyway I should uh let you get ready an all" Dan said placing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and walking towards the door, "Everyone should be here in about an hour"

"Thanks, I'll be ready" she replied with a flustered smile on her face

Dan nodded and gave her a sort of salute as he exited her room and shutting the door behind him. He leaned against the door and put his face into his hands letting out a deep sigh

"Who in the world gives the person they're in love with a salute?!" He said to himself whilst tapping the back of his head lightly against the door.

Serena could hear him through the other side of the door, she couldn't help but laugh slightly at Dan's frustration, she shook her head and began tearing through her wardrobe to find something to wear.

* * *

As it turned 7 o'clock they were all sat around the table with one another; Dan, Serena, Blair, Chuck, Lily and Rufus had all settled down and were talking about Lily and Rufus's weekend away. Dan and Serena had been sat next to each other for the duration of the dinner and to chuck and blair's amusement, the tension between them was almost unbearable.

"So Daniel, what did you do while we were away?" asked Lily whilst taking a bite of her food

"I think the question is more who than what" mumbled Chuck with a smirk on his face as he looked at Dan. Blair had let out a giggle over chuck's remark. Dan noticed that Serena's face had turned a deep shade of pink, which fortunately was covered by her hair as she carried on eating her food.

Dan noticed that neither Lily nor Rufus had seem to have heard Chuck's comment, "Uh nothing much just went to a few coffee and books shops here and there tried to get some writing done, pretty boring really" He said trying to be nonchalant.

Lily nodded slightly whilst taking another stab at her food, "Well I hope you cheered Serena up, after all that was the whole point of your stay." She said with a smile on her face.

"Oh don't worry Lily, Dan took good care of her" Blair then retorted with a grin on her face.

Serena gave Blair an intense yet embarrassed stair from across the table, which Rufus had noticed.

"Er, is there something we've missed here?" He said suspiciously

Dan looked from his dad to Lily who were both looking at him and Serena suspiciously, he didn't know what to say, for once in his life nothing could come out of his mouth, the usual nervous rambles had gone and complete silence had filled it.

"No" Serena quickly replied, making Dan sigh slightly with relief, "Dan's been really good this weekend" she said as she placed her arm onto his forearm and squeezed it slightly, "He's been really helpful" she finished off smiling and carried on eating her meal.

Dan nodded slightly, trying to ignore the fact the hairs on his arm where she had touched him were on end, it was unbelievable how even the slightest touch from her had such an effect on him, it instantly gave him the urge to grab her and kiss her in front of all of them. By the time Dan had snapped out of his trail of thought, everyone had carried on eating and having their own conversations with one another, all except for him and Serena. They sat in dead silence.

* * *

Shortly after dinner Chuck and Blair had left and Serena was sat in the living room with her mom discussing the latest Chanel range. After a while she kissed her mom goodnight and began walking towards her room. Just as she was passing Dan's door she could hear him and Rufus having somewhat a heated discussion she paused where she was and began to listen.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I didn't hear Chuck's little retorts at the dinner table before?!" Rufus was saying in a harsh whisper, "I thought you and Serena were passed this Dan, she's just got out of a relationship and I asked you to stay here over the weekend to help her not sleep with her!"

Dan sighed shaking his head, "I know that dad, it was a mistake, and I shouldn't have done it, I regretted it as soon as it happened. It won't happen again."

Serena couldn't believe what she was hearing, Dan calling what they had a mistake, a regret. She felt broken, beaten, she didn't know what to do anymore, and everything just seemed a lie, the thought of him only staying this weekend to sleep with her made her sick to her stomach. She quickly walked too her room, tears streaming from her eyes, she sunk down onto the floor with her head in her hands.

* * *

"I just wanna know why you did it son? You know she was vulnerable, why now?" Rufus said sitting next to Dan on the end of the bed.

"I love her dad, and I let those emotions get the better of me. I was selfish." He said shaking his head whilst Rufus placed an arm around him.

* * *

Serena had finally got herself together and was sat on her bed looking over all the letters Dan had sent her recently, trying to understand how he could be one person in these letters, and a completely different one to everyone else.

Then her phone began to ring

"Hello?"

"Hey S, it's me listen I really think we should talk"

Jesse.

**A/N: I knowwwww I totally ruined D/S or did I? Hahaahah. Jesse wasn't going to leave that easily, but listen my lovely reviewers I'm coming short of ideas so any ideas on how you'd like this story to go would be great, like I have an idea in mind I'd just like to hear some of yours since you have all been very lovely! Thanks soo much! :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry I took a while again and sorry that this is quite a short chapter! I'm thinking this is going to be rounded up soon just need a bit of time to figure out how I want it to end hmmmm ;) **

**Not really pleased with this chapter, it just feels too rushed but hey ho!**

**Also thank you all soooo much for the lovely comments they mean a lot! And hope you enjoy! xxxx**

**Chapter 9**

Serena woken up the next day with the world's worst headache, she leaned over and checked her alarm clock to see it was around 10am; she let out a slight grunt and turned herself back around in an attempt to sprawl herself across her bed, but was unable to do so due to a second party sleeping next to her in her bed. Serena slowly opened her eyes to see the back of a largely built light haired man. As she pushed herself up slightly the man turned over to face her. It was Jesse.

"Mmm, go back to sleep babe" he spoke as he wrapped his arms around Serena and held her in a tight embrace.

That's when she remembered the night before, how she and Jesse planned to meet up in a bar not far from the penthouse, how she didn't really care to listen to what he had to say, she just wanted to get drunk and try and forget everything she heard Dan say to Rufus earlier on. But after one too many drinks and listening to Jesse's constant apologies, they went back to the penthouse and ended up in her bed.

She couldn't believe what she had done that she had slept with Jesse after everything he did, that she was now lying wrapped up in his arms feeling nothing but regret. He didn't hold her like Dan did. But Dan had also hurt her, after hearing him tell his dad that what they did was a mistake and that he regretted it killed Serena, all the letters were just words to her now, words that were only used to give Dan what he wanted.

Just words.

* * *

Dan had been awake for about an hour, pacing his room to try and clear his thoughts. Last night was just too awkward for the both of them, and he didn't want it to be like that, that's not who they were that's not who he was. He had always been vocal to Serena when it came to his feelings for her so why was it any different now? He thought the letters would be a good idea at the time, a way of winning her back, and yeah they probably did bring them a bit closer to what they were before she left, but he couldn't help but think that if he just would have told her that night she turned up at the loft about all his feelings, all his emotions, then just maybe they would have been together by now.

He looked at the picture of the two of them from the cotillion ball and then looked at himself in the mirror.

"Come on Humphrey, you can do this, you need to do this before she slips away from you and doesn't come back for good this time." He said exhaling and looking at himself in the mirror. This is it he thought. He was going to march into Serena's room and tell her everything, tell her how he felt after she left for the Hamptons and how he still feels the same now and how what happened between the two of them the other day was probably the best he's ever felt in a long time, and how there is no other option for him, just her.

He loud out a loud sigh and began making his way towards Serena's bedroom door. He went to knock but hesitated

"Just do it." He said quietly. He pushed the door open and began talking before he could even see her

"Serena I just need you to listen, I-" He stopped dead in his tracks. There she was lying in her bed with her beautiful hair pulled up in a scruffy looking pony. But she wasn't alone, her body was pulled in tightly to that of Jesse's, thankfully he was asleep otherwise Dan would have had to restrain himself from punching his smug little face. But she wasn't, she had lifted herself up from his arms as soon as she had heard his voice, her face was blank as if she was angry with him. He clenched his jaw resisting from saying anything stupid or hurtful towards her. He couldn't take his eyes of her, though his heart felt like it was being smashed into tiny pieces. He needed this image out of his mind, he nodded his head slightly, bit his bottom lip and quickly turned round slamming the door behind him.

He couldn't believe what he had just seen with his own eyes. She was in her bed, with Jesse, Jesse who had cheated on her not only a week ago. He thought it was over between them since the time he and Serena had spent alone in the penthouse, she carried on accepting his letters, she slept with him! He couldn't be here, not now, he needed to leave, go back to the loft and just stay away for a while.

Dan quickly went to his room, thankfully he didn't completely unpack everything and most of his clothes were still in his bag. He pulled on his coat, picked up his bag and left before his dad or Lily woke up.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

What the hell had just happened? Serena thought, her mind was racing of all thoughts of Dan and why he had just walked into her room only 5 minutes ago, what did he need her to listen to? Why did he look so disappointed and slam the door in her face if she meant nothing to him? She was sitting at her kitchen table eating some cereal when Jesse had walked out of her room in just his boxer shorts and scruffy hair.

"Morning" He said

"Hey." She replied bluntly as he took a seat opposite her on the table. He reached out for her hands and spoke,

"So listen, I really think we should get back together, and don't worry about apologising for dumping me the other week, I completely understand." He said with a smile on his face.

Serena had almost choked on her cereal at what Jesse had just said and instantly moved her hands away from his, "Excuse me?" she said in almost a laugh, "You think I should be apologising to _you _when you cheated on me?"

"Babe c'mon, we all make mistakes, you out of everyone should know that right?" He replied slightly laughing

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well it's not like you have been the most faithful person around, you cheated on that Nate guy with that dimwit Humphrey didn't you?"

Serena laughed in disbelief, "Okay first of all where did you hear that? Second of all that was a long time ago, and you had no idea what was going on in my life at that time, and third, that dimwit Humphrey is twice the man you'll ever be!" she said rising up from the table and walking towards the kitchen counter

"Oh really? Twice the man I'll ever be huh?" Jesse said getting up and following her, "Is that why you ran away all those months ago? Because oh so noble Humphrey broke your heart?!"

"He may have broken my heart, but at least he apologised and tried to earn his trust back, which is a lot more than you!" she said whilst was walking towards her bedroom

"Oh yeah I'm sure sleeping with you gave him a lot more brownie points huh?" he replied coming to a halt

Serena stopped dead in her tracks and turned back around, "How do you know that?" she said

"I read his letter didn't I." He said. Serena knew she had no recollection of a letter after they slept together.

"What letter?" she asked

"It was by your bed under the floor, I read it last night after you passed out. I always knew you weren't classy Serena but I thought you'd give it a bit of time before you started sleeping around agai-" He was stopped by a fierce slap across the face. She was furious. How could he not tell her about the letter?

"Get out." She spoke firmly, "Get your clothes and get out." She said trying to hold back the tears that were building up inside of her.

"My pleasure" he said as he walked into her room got changed and walked out again, Serena not moving from the spot. As he walked past her, he leant into her and whispered in her ear, "I'm so glad we never slept together last night, damaged good's isn't my type" he whispered slyly and he strutted his way out of the penthouse with his jacket slung over his shoulder.

Serena let out a sigh as soon as he walked out the apartment, and along with it came a lot of tears. She hurriedly walked into her room and began searching it top to bottom for Dan's letter, when she finally found it crumpled up in her trash can, she couldn't help but cry all over again as she picked it up and slowly began un crumpling it. She sat down on her bed with one leg tucked into the other and began reading the letter.

_**Dear Serena,**_

_**I don't know whether you'll read this before the dinner tonight, I hope you do. I would have said all this to you in person, only you're not here and I don't know when you're going to be back so here goes... I didn't regret anything what happened earlier on, yeah maybe we should have spoken to each other properly first before letting our emotions get the better of us, but when have we ever done that? **_

_**You said something to me a couple of years ago about not thinking and just following our hearts, and that's what happened before, we stopped thinking about everything that had happened between us before you left and we gave in to our hearts, and I'm glad we did. The only thing I regret about it is not telling you how much I love you before it or after it for that matter because someone made me feel used and left before I even woke up... kidding. **_

_**So if you don't know by now then I guess I'm just gonna have to tell you in person, but hears it written down just so you never forget it. **_

_**I love you Serena van der Woodsen, always have, and always will. I need you in my life, because its not my life without you in it. **_

_**Love,**_

_**Dan**_

* * *

**A/N:** **And i'm going to leave this chapter right there! I'm thinking next chapter mayyyy be the last one, but I want your guys' opinion on how you want it to pan out.. and how! I'm soo grateful for all your reviews for this story its really helped my confidence a lottt and hopefully made me want to write more fanfiction but we'll have to wait and see so thanks and review review review! xxxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Guys! I'm sososososoooo sorry for the hugeeee delay in this chapter; I just really struggled with trying to write something while GG was on its break. But here it is and I am thinking it's the last one of this story butt I may come back to it later I don't know! Your reviews have meant so much and I really appreciate all the lovely comments you've left me! **

**Alsoo just wanna say OMG to the Derena wedding pictures... I mean seriously would that not be the perfect ending for them after everything?! I can't wait for these next few episodes, got a feeling they're going to be Derenacentric! **

**Anyway guys, hope you enjoy not my best chapter which is a bit disappointing for me but eh!**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

An hour or so had passed since Dan had left the penthouse after seeing Serena back in the arms of Jesse. He was lying on his bed staring blankly at the ceiling reliving everything that had happened over the past couple of days and wondering how it all ended up so messy. He wanted to kick himself for not telling her sooner how he felt because he knew he felt it as soon as he seen her again after 5 months. He sighed and turned onto his side and stared at the pictures that were on his bedside table, pictures from a couple of years ago, pictures of his dad, jenny and him, pictures of him and his mom, of him and Nate, and finally the picture of him and Serena at the cotillion. He wondered why everything had changed since then, why he changed, he used to be passionate he never used to care about what people thought of him and he was never afraid to say how he felt, especially when it came to Serena.

That's when it all clicked, he realised he was all them things because of Serena, she made him a better person, the person he so badly wanted to bring back out again. He knew he lost his way a bit this last year and was selfish and arrogant and only cared about himself and his book, but now, now things were different. Since Serena had been back he felt happier, lighter, he was writing nice things about the people in his life not incriminating things and regardless of whether people wanted to buy it or liked it he didn't care.

The picture of him and Serena at the cotillion told him something, it told him that if he wanted Serena so badly, that the only way he would get her is if he fought for her, not through letters and writing on paper, but through words and actions. He was nervous about telling her this morning, but not now, now he knew that she was what he wanted, what he needed and he wasn't going to lose her because of another guy.

He sat up as quickly as possible, grabbed his jacket and headed towards the door whilst dialling Serena's number into his phone.

* * *

Serena was so angry, so angry with herself for believing that Dan would have done such a thing to her. Yes he had changed over the last few months and lost himself but deep down Serena always knew he was a good guy and this letter was just proof of what she knew. She realised now that was the reason he slammed the door in her face after he saw her with Jesse, he still cared about her, it wasn't that she meant nothing to him but that she meant a lot to him.

She needed to explain herself to him, tell him that nothing happened between her and Jesse and that they were over and that she wanted nothing more than be back with the guy she was in love with and hadn't stopped loving for 5 years. She knew he had hurt her, but she was over it now whether or not people agreed with it she knew he'd changed and that he was going back to the person she fell in love with all those years ago. Every word he wrote in those letters was honest and true, she didn't know how she knew, and she just did.

Without taking anything with her she hurried towards the elevator door, she knew where Dan would be and she had to get there and tell him everything before it was too late. As she turned the corner towards the elevator, the doors had opened and someone had stepped out.

Dan.

* * *

He looked as in much of a hurry as she did, she figured he'd be coming back to get the rest of his stuff and probably to confront her. Even though her mind was on more important things, she couldn't help but admire how good he looked.

"Dan listen I need t0-"

"No Serena, right now you need to listen to me okay?" Dan said walking over to her with a stern look on his face. She knew what he'd say, how disappointed he was in her, how she hasn't changed and still pushes the people who care about her away, she wouldn't blame him for saying it. She nodded slightly and let him continue

"Firstly, I just wanna say that whatever happened between you and Jesse... I'm over it, I don't care all I care about is me and you and this moment right now. I don't even care if he's in there right now and hears everything that I'm about to say because the whole of the Upper East Side can know for all I care."

She didn't understand, if he wasn't here to shout why was he here? She couldn't take her eyes off him, his face was so strong, so full of determination that it was too hard to look away.

He grabbed hold of her hands and pulled them too his chest and spoke again, "What I did to you, with Blair is unforgiveable and I know that, but when you left five months ago I was a completely different person to what I am right now. When you came back I felt like I had a purpose again, like I wasn't just the power hungry writer from Brooklyn. You were the only one who ever believed in me Serena and the only one who ever seen the good in me when no one else did and every single word that I wrote in those letters were true." He said trying to steady his voice, he was desperate he needed her to understand everything he was saying to her.

"I messed up, I know I did but these last couple of days, I felt so alive and happy, and the only time I remember feeling that way is every time I've been with you. I can understand if you can't forgive me for walking out on you today and for everything else I've done to you, but I need you to know that I won't stop fighting for you, I will never stop Serena because you're the love of my life, always have and always will be."

She was crying, she couldn't believe what she was hearing, she had waited so long to hear those words from him and now she was and he was willing to fight for her, to wait for her for however long it took. But she knew she didn't want to wait any longer, they had been waiting for this moment for 5 years, this was it, the sink or swim moment they talked about last year it was happening right now and it was Serena who had to decide which path they were going to take.

Without saying anything, not one word she threw her arms around his neck and touched his lips with her own, she tried to say everything she wanted to in that one kiss, her cheeks still moist from her tears. Dan wrapped his hands so tight around her waist that they were nearing her stomach but she didn't care, she never wanted him to let go. Her hands rested against his cheeks and she knotted her fingers into his hair. She wished they could stay like this forever.

Once they broke apart they stood there with their foreheads resting against each other staring into each other's eyes. Dan was so overjoyed that he hadn't stopped smiling since they finished their kiss, he gently wiped away a remaining tear that was on her cheek and spoke,

"So this is it now, you and me... for good?"

She smiled at him and his questioning tone, realising he was still awaiting her confirmation even though she believed that kiss was confirming enough for her.

"For good, you're stuck with me forever, looks like we're growing old together Humphrey." She replied smiling playfully at him.

"I wouldn't want it any other way." He replied smiling and then leaning forwards for another kiss.


End file.
